


A flower you will never forget

by Anonymous



Category: A3! (Video Game)
Genre: A3! Act 8 Spoilers, A3! Big Bang, Character Study, Getting to Know Each Other, Hints of Citron/Furuichi Sakyo, M/M, Mild Angst, Non-Explicit Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-11
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-17 23:13:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29973726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: "We all have our secrets, Chikage. I just ask that you continue to keep mine. I'm not ready to tell the others yet."-Chikage relearns the burden -and joy- of trust.
Relationships: Citron/Utsuki Chikage
Kudos: 8
Collections: A3! Big Bang 2021, Anonymous





	A flower you will never forget

**Author's Note:**

> Italics = Zafran

Chikage never wanted to feel another emotion again. OK, that may be an exaggeration, but after the past year he believed he deserved a buffer period. After hopping back and forth between the first two stages of grief, he could finally move on and breathe a little easier. He could properly mourn his family now; he wasn’t betrayed. The traitor was still roaming free somewhere, but the traitor wasn’t December and that was what was important. For now he could be at relative peace and continue to take things as they come at Mankai. He’s unsure of how long his time in the troupe would last, but that too was a thought he’d keep at bay. He had plenty of time to think about his future. Chikage simply hoped that his troupe members would ignore how empty his side of the room was. Although most of them seemed to figure out that the less questions they asked about him the better. 

He owed it to them to not squander the trust all of Mankai graciously gave him. The thought of disappearing with no warning was still tempting. Outside of the one time he had been caught he had almost done it again three more times. At this point he had the schedules of each member mostly memorized, but every time he stopped short of leaving. Despite his front, Chikage didn’t want to be alone. He especially didn’t want the reason to be of his own doing. Before he could focus on relentlessly chasing down December and plotting on how to hurt him most. Without that? He’d be forced to confront his own sad existence. So he made the decision to cherish this current moment in his life no matter how transient. If he left now he was unsure if he’d ever have a chance at another family or if he would be able to open up enough to do so. Complete honesty is a luxury he doesn't have the benefit of indulging in. Regardless he would do anything and everything in his power to protect his new family. 

Speaking of his new family…

Chikage subtly glanced to where Citron was sitting next to him in the common area. The man was focusing intensely on what he can only assume is a rhythm game. Probably about the DJ girls he, Chigasaki, and Banri had been attempting to proliferate throughout the dorms. He didn’t have much of an interest himself but their enthusiasm was admirable. Who knows? Maybe one of them will wear him down eventually. 

It almost felt like Chikage was playing himself with how clear Citron’s emotions were on display. His brows knit, eyes narrowed, and cheeks puffed out at what Chikage can only assume was a particularly difficult section. Only to see Citron either relax his tense soldiers in relief from making it through “rough waters” or let out disgruntled noises and a soft curse in Zafran from missing a note. It was cute. 

Ah.

He’d never thought of the other as cute before. Mainly his emotions towards Citron were amusement at his antics, a vague sense of kinship with the man’s more mischievous side, or jealousy at how easygoing his life seemed to be. But cute huh? 

Citron cheered for himself; Chikage moving along with him as Citron’s bounces moved his cushion too. His presence was finally acknowledged as Citron shifted so his body was facing Chikage. The LP must have ran out. 

“It is rude to stare, Mr Chikage. If you’re not careful I’ll be led to believe you’re being entranced by my looks.” 

And here was that mischievous personality. Citron said outlandish things, but always with an air of confidence. You would find yourself going along with something obviously not true for a second before coming to your senses. Chikage’s lies tended to be more grounded in reality leaving the listener unsure if he was truly joking. His own habit had underlying reasons for it so he would always be left to wonder after one of Citron’s ridiculous tales if he did too. Well Chikage had his own suspicions, and was fully capable of finding out if they were true. But everyone trusted Citron, he had been a member a full year before him, and without any real reason to believe he was a threat, Chikage felt no need to invade his privacy. It seemed as if the entire company worked under the thought that there are some things that should be left alone and for Citron specifically it was the true origins of his background and reasons for being in Japan. So Chikage would respect that too and continue to play along with Citron’s ways. 

“Would that change my role from Spring Troupe’s grandfather into being their homewrecking mistress?” 

Chikage hadn’t been around for long, but he could at least tell when Citron was about to say a particularly sharp comment. But it never came. He’d be left to ponder why. 

“Unfortunately for you I am a royal man. I am not that easy. You will have to do much more to lead my heart and body astray.”

“...A loyal man?”

“Mm, something like that.” 

Citron’s narrowed eyes and slight smirk were taunting Chikage to call out his cryptic phrasing. His lips parted to do just that but -

“Omi-kun! I’m starving! Did you make any snacks?” Must be the Ouka High crowd. “Ah! I forgot he has a photography club meeting. Ten-chan, I’m gonna starve!” 

“Just wait until dinner.”

“But I can’t study when I’m hungry…”

Chikage shook his head. He’d have another chance to pick Citron’s brain. For now he has to figure out when he grew fond of being in such a noisy place.

“He told me he left food in the fridge before he headed out.” Chikage called out to the two teenagers. “But who knows? Citron and I may have eaten it all.” 

“Please tell me you’re lying! Citron?” 

This time Citron’s sly smile was directed elsewhere.

“Chikage and I had a mighty feast!” He said brightly. 

Chikage watched fondly as a red blur rushed towards the fridge. 

-

The days carried on uneventfully...for spring troupe at least. Summer troupe had their own difficulties they were currently working through with their new member. Chikage wondered if all the rookies were going to be like this. Would they all cause problems? Make putting on their new play a close call? Kumon’s situation was definitely fundamentally different from his own. He doubted any of the other new members would be quite as...uncooperative as him, to put it nicely. The summer troupe was filled with good kids so they would overcome and work together to support Kumon with little to no intervention from himself. 

Chikage did promise himself to do everything in his own power to support Mankai but emotions were outside of his scope. He was not known for being a peptalker at any point in his life and he could not imagine that changing anytime soon. Yes, there were many other members much more suited for heart to hearts. Being a shoulder to vent and cry on was something out of reach for Chikage. All he had to offer was protection and information gathering, a skillset that he was not too sure of the use of in the context of a theater company. 

Just how many fistfights could people in the company get in? 

As soon as he thought that autumn troupe flashed through his mind.  _ Those guys.. _ .Chikage had to wonder how he narrowly avoided a confrontation with Sakyo. He was confident in his own abilities but knew the fellow bespectacled man would not make it easy for him. Chikage assumed Sakyo had a high chance of not being above fighting dirty if it came to Izumi. All of Mankai had to be aware of his ever evident fondness for the director, but as with many things in this company it was politely not pointed out. Which very well may be for the best because Sakyo’s eyes seemed to be wandering lately… He bet the other members didn’t even notice. Hell, Sakyo may not even be aware of it himself. If Chikage got a proper read on everyone only Azuma, himself, and the new object of affection were privy to this information. 

Chikage’s grip on his pen tightened. The person Sakyo likes had a high chance of feeling similarly. In general he initiated a lot of skinship but had been particularly clingy towards Sakyo recently. And Sakyo? His protests to it were getting weaker and weaker. Others may chalk it up to his willpower getting wheedled down by the persistence like the graphite on a well loved pencil. But if Chikage’s job taught him to do anything it was to interpret the subtleties of a demeanor change and pinpoint the reasoning behind it. Being able to correctly read a person may be even more important than the combat training because if you can get what you want in a nonviolent way it makes everyone’s job much simpler. Right now Chikage read Sakyo’s expression as being not too far off from those of the women in his office when speaking to Chigasaki or himself. Or when a target from the handful of honeytrap missions he had to begrudgingly do was finally charmed. His pen finally snapped from the pressure. 

“Um, Utsuki-san?” a head hesitantly peeked through the crack of his office door. 

Chikage brightened up his expression as to not scare off his coworker. It wasn’t like him to get distracted at work. Even if it wasn’t his main job he had to take care to not daydream. Wouldn’t want to compromise his “Perfect Senpai” image. He gestured for them to come in and threw away the broken remains of his pen in the bin under his desk. The ink stained his fingers. 

-

He and Chigasaki didn’t carpool today so he nodded to him as he headed out and pretended to not notice him pleading for overtime help with his eyes. There were plenty of others who would jump to help him if he could stomach their unsubtle flirting (He usually couldn’t) but Chikage actually had somewhere better to be. He was sure he’d survive. 

The entire drive was spent not thinking about why he broke his pen. He instead latched onto thoughts of possibly finding a new favourite curry restaurant to frequent. The reviews were good, but more importantly detailed. His trust in the reviews of others wasn’t high but he can’t deny that they did increase his interest. Soon enough he’d be sharing his own thoughts about it on his curry blog. As he arrived at his destination he hoped the spices wouldn’t disappoint him. 

As he was being led to his table an all too familiar giggle came from up ahead. 

“I already told you no. It’s bad enough I let you drag me over here. I don’t have enough free time for your whims.”

The bodies were obscured by the high red leather booth seats, but that exasperated voice could only be one person.

“Come on say ‘Ah’, Sakyo. I’m being gracious and sharing! And Itaru and Chikage are busy with their halftime. Unlucky them having so much work, but mostly unlucky me. But~ An outing with a real yakuza is a rare experience! I have to take advantage of this rare chance. So open your mouth.” 

He heard a defeated sigh.

“Overtime. And I have work too.”

He made it into the eyeshot of the two familiar patrons just when a spoonful of curry was pushed into Sakyo’s mouth mostly willingly. Chikage informed the worker that he knew the two men and would be sitting at their table instead of his own. She nodded and went back to her station in the front of the restaurant. He eyed Sakyo after sliding in next to Citron. 

“Cheating on the director?” Sakyo choked. “And Citron what about our son back at home? Little Hiiro’s grades are plummeting from stressing over us.” Chikage wiped away fake tears. “Is there really no way of saving our marriage? You always did have a thing for glasses.” 

“I’m so sorry honey!” Citron dramatically fell against Chikage’s side and tugged at his tie as a signal to face him. “I won’t feed another man curry ever again..I remember our wedding. We exchanged curry spices instead of rings. How could I have let myself betray you this way?” 

“An impromptu etude now? Really? You lot always like to attract unnecessary attention.”

“Feeling left out, Sakyo-san?” 

“Not at all, Utsuki.” 

Chikage should eventually stop antagonizing Sakyo considering the man already held him in low regard. For some reason he found it difficult to keep his irritation from bubbling over whenever he saw-

His thought was interrupted by Citron urging him to pick something from the menu. Apparently the other had been waiting for him to update his blog and knew that this restaurant had to be next. 

Sakyo watched over their conversation silently. 

-

“Thank you for paying, Chikage~” Citron hummed as he exited the restaurant.  _ Must be pleased after ordering even more food and getting me to pay.  _

“I did crash your date so it was the polite thing to do.” He said in what has been called his ‘Customer Service’ voice. 

“You really shouldn’t spoil him.” Sakyo was walking a little ahead of them and barely glanced back as he spoke. 

“Be thankful. If it weren’t for me, the bill would’ve been on you.” 

Sakyo missed a step but quickly recovered. He knew Chikage was right. 

“Citron don’t you have anything to say for yourself? What do you do when one of us isn’t around?”

“The older ladies think I’m handsome so they feed me for free all the time! And the older men find me fun to talk to so they take me to izakayas as a drinking partner. They shoot the bill of course!” Citron caught up to Sakyo just to give him a cheeky grin. 

“Foot the bill..and what are you? A stray?”

Sakyo's attempt at disguising how fond he was of the other was agonizingly easy to see through. 

“I’m cuter!”

“Maybe we should’ve been using Citron to get more business all along. The older crowd seems to like him. If that wasn’t example enough just look at us.” 

Sakyo rubbed his head as if he felt a headache coming on from Chikage's words and Citron’s chin lifted in the air proudly as if to say ‘See! I can be useful.’ 

After that the conversation trickled off until Chikage watched Citron get into the passenger’s seat of Sakyo’s car.

“See you at home, Chikage!”

Nodding he waved as they drove off. 

Home huh? Still took getting used to. 

-

He arrived at the dorms not too long after Sakyo and Citron. Immediately upon opening the door he was assaulted with a cacophony of noise. Considering that it was late enough for everyone to be home it was only natural. He could pick out bits of conversation about how the three of them ate out without inviting everyone else. And that Sakyo was still picking favorites by taking Citron out even if Chikage only arrived by chance. Their jealousy went as quickly as it was revealed they went to a curry restaurant. Everyone dispersed to do as they pleased at that point and Chikage called out that he was home before slinking to his shared room. 

He hoped that Banri wasn’t in there. As much as he didn’t really mind the younger frequenting their room, especially since he wouldn’t disturb Chikage too much, He wasn’t up for it tonight. Saying that he was tired wasn’t entirely accurate since he’s done much more on considerably less hours of sleep, but alone time was hard to come by inside of the dorms. His curry trip was supposed to be his allotted time to himself. Running into Sakyo and Citron was only unexpected and not a negative thing at all. Despite his initial irritation he does enjoy it when both he and Citron needle the older man. Unexpected moments like those will also take getting used to but...no..he didn’t hate it. Regardless he still wanted his time alone for the day. 

Looking around his room it seemed as if Chigasaki was still out. Probably went to an arcade. Now that he thought about it, he didn’t recall hearing Banri’s voice. They must have met up after Chigasaki was finally free from work. 

Perfect.

He didn’t have to deal with their loud gaming together or just his roommate’s either. If he was lucky they would be out late since tomorrow was a day off. 

Chikage looked around the room again, slower this time. 

“...I’m making him clean when he gets back.” He muttered before peeling off the stuffy layers of his suit. 

-

One thing was still bothering him. 

Citron’s past.

He was aware that no one felt inclined to press him about it, but Chikage’s curiosity was begging to get satiated. Mostly because he  _ knew  _ that he had seen the other before. Even if it was just for a brief moment. Maybe he passed by him in the streets of Zafra? But he’d have to leave a strong impression for Chikage to be feeling this way. For Citron that wasn’t too high of a hurdle. Also an exchange student who never attended class nor did homework? Please. 

And..he was unsure if anyone else noticed that Citron had more moments of being withdrawn as the weeks went on. Sometimes he’d be quietly watching as the Mankai members got up to their usual antics. Normally he would be quick to join in and he always does  _ eventually  _ but the pause before has been getting longer. No one can be in high-spirits all the time, but Chikage recognized this expression. It was the expression of a man who was desperately trying to cherish moments he would soon lose. Clinging onto something that you know was transient and would slip through the cracks of your closely pressed together fingers eventually, it was all too familiar. 

The hands on his keyboard paused. Well he was already in his ‘special office’ working. What’s wrong with diverting for something personal? It wouldn’t be the first time nor the last. He’d break his promise to himself to not dig around for information about the mankai members just this once. He was doing this only as a concerned troupe member. A friend. Nothing more. Nothing less. No other selfish reasons for poking his nose where it didn’t belong. Thankfully Citron would be one of the more forgiving members about such a thing. 

-

So he was a prince. Not just that but the crown prince of Zafra. As far as secrets go this was definitely up there with his own. God. When it came to collecting eclectic characters this company had to be ranked number one. Who was next to join? A future yakuza leader? One of Citron’s servants? How much more absurd could they possibly get?

Chikage closed out everything he had pulled up on his computer not comfortable with learning anything else about Citron beyond his status as the next monarch of a country. After racking his brain some more he vaguely recalled passing through a crowd when the prince was giving a speech. He hadn’t paid it too much attention since he had been tailing someone, but he did pause for the slightest second to look up and see the prince draped in crimson and gold. The temptation to stand and continue to watch him was strong. His presence commanded your attention and respect, but Chikage had a job to do. And that job did not involve the royal family in any capacity that he was aware of so he found his target again and weaved through the crowd as the prince’s voice faded further into the distance. 

So much had happened since then that he couldn’t be too bothered by not remembering. And he was nowhere near the front of the crowd so his view of the princ-Citron’s-features was not the best. Still he was bothered that his memory had failed him for such a long time. 

Confronting him was his only option.  _ No, I should keep my mouth shut and keep his secret to the grave. Or till he reveals it himself whichever comes first.  _ Despite thinking this and knowing it was the right thing to do.

“I’m saying something.”

He didn’t intend on blackmailing him or anything of the sort. Being an emotional pillar for him to confide in didn’t seem feasible either. What was his intention? Just to startle him? Or to have a secret only he and Citron shared and nobody else? Why would he even want that? 

Whatever. 

He was going to ignore his better judgement and bring it up. For now he would go back to his work and if his pace increased because he was anticipating seeing how Citron would react...well. Chikage would make sure that the quality of his work didn’t suffer for it. Even if his mind was distracted he wouldn’t compromise his pride. 

-

As soon as Chikage had a reason to get Citron alone, it became almost impossible to do so. As if he knew Chikage had less than innocent intentions for wanting them to be one on one. 

He didn’t go out of his way to corner him. He wasn’t in any rush. And holding onto this knowledge was satisfying in its own right. Especially since one of the main reasons he was unable to grab Citron was because he was more often than not hanging around Sakyo. The older man would protest (weakly) saying that he was busy with paperwork and the like and couldn't have Citron distracting him, but ended up conceding in the end. 

Chikage had believed that his tendency to be jealous was something he left behind in the past. But as he internally gloated about having a leg up information wise against Sakyo, he contemplated if he hadn't changed much after all. A childish part of him wanted to petulantly demand for attention, but aside from how wildy embarrassing that would be, Citron would enjoy it too much. The other man seemed like the type who'd enjoy having two men fight after him with words and otherwise. Chikage liked to think he was above that. Besides, his interest in Citron was fleeting. A passing fancy. A momentary fixation. It was peculiar that he felt this way in the first place but he didn't feel the need or want to dissect his emotions. 

Instead he'd catch Sakyo's eyes and muster up the most irritating all knowing expression. The other man would get flustered because he was once again spending time alone with Citron in his room. And Chikage would scoff because how could someone be that oblivious to his own feelings. He was almost embarrassed for him. 

-

Chikage wanted to say that so much time had passed that he had forgotten what he wanted to tell Citron. But the reality was that it would pop into his mind more often than he would have liked. Even now as he was unable to sleep and was about to wander to the courtyard, scenarios in which he did the 'big reveal' would flit in and out of his mind. 

He wondered if a good opportunity would ever present itself when he caught sight of messy champagne colored hair entering his line of sight. 

Citron barely paid him any mind. He gave Chikage a slight nod before yawning loudly and continuing his trek towards where Chikage assumed to be his room. Before he was able to pass by completely Chikage caught him by his wrist. Confused Citron looked back and tilted his head nonverbally asking Chikage what his deal was. 

"I know who you are." 

No gasp. No shocked reaction. Now Citron's expression was reading as 'Of course you do. Did you really grab me to just say that?' 

"The Crown Prince of Zafra." 

Chikage, thinking he couldn't be any clearer than that, was taken aback by Citron patting his shoulder, releasing his wrist from Chikage's grasp, and turning to presumably go back to sleep. 

What the hell? 

Did he just not hear him? Did he not care after all? But that didn't add up if he had been making sure to keep it from the company members for over a year. 

He grabbed Citron again. 

"Are you not going to say anything?" 

Citron blinked slowly and patted him again, but this time on his cheek.

"You've known for awhile haven't you?" 

He did for about a month but why did that matter?

"Yes?" 

"And you didn't tell anyone, Correct?"

"No, I kept it to myself." 

"Then I trust you with my secret and there is no need for me to be concerned." 

Despite the dozens of times he ran through this scenario in his head, he never accounted for Citron to be this unfazed. He also didn't account for the odd pressure he would feel in his chest from Citron saying he could trust him. Chikage couldn't determine if the feeling was positive or not. 

"...You don't want to know how I figured it out?" 

  
  


"Hmm, I can't imagine it was very difficult for you. It's probably related to why the director and you mysteriously disappeared and only Hisoka was able to find you." 

Chikage was at a loss on how to respond. 

"We all have our secrets, Chikage. I just ask that you continue to keep mine." Citron's eyes averted suddenly, unable to keep eye contact. Chikage was relieved. "I'm not ready to tell the others yet." 

"...your Japanese." 

"Hm?" 

"It was perfect."

Citron's head went back as he laughed much too loudly for what time it was. His hand still gently caressing Chikage's cheek. He wanted to pull away. 

"I suppose we have two secrets then?" 

-

After their twilight conversation the two had grown closer. Or maybe Citron was lonely because Sakyo was now focused on Autumn troupe's next play. Not only that but he was running after the newest member of his troupe too. All of Sakyo's attention would be occupied for the next few months. Chikage considered it a blessing. 

Mostly a blessing. 

Citron now entertained himself by needling Chikage to spill his own secrets. In Citron's opinion it was only fair because two of his own got revealed and Chikage had been digging around where he wasn't supposed to. 

In a moment of vulnerability Citron inquired into just how deep Chikage dug. In a rare instance of complete honesty Chikage admitted he only went as far as figuring out he was next in line. He didn't feel comfortable going further than that. After getting that answer Citron's expression was bright once again and he continued to pester Chikage about his own past. 

-

"I bet you aren't even Japanese!" 

"Oh? How did you figure it out? I'm actually Zafran." 

"Yet you didn't even know about your own Drown Prince!" 

"I left the country at a young age." 

"Mm, that would explain your fluency." 

Chikage and Citron had been tasked with picking up groceries. Chikage being the only person with a car free at the time and Citron tagging along because, according to him, he'd get all the best deals. 

Even if Citron hadn't offered to come, Chikage would have requested his company anyways. He was finding that he enjoyed Citron's guesses at what he kept hidden from the rest of Mankai (sans Hisoka). Occasionally the man would get unnervingly close and Citron would stare as if he knew Chikage was upkeeping a poker face intentionally. Then he'd sigh and say that he had gotten it wrong once again and that he'd wring the truth out of Chikage one way or another. 

Chikage was inclined to believe him. 

Initially he was shocked that Citron would bring up his own royalty status in public, but he chalked it up to the other knowing no one would take their conversation seriously. Even if all the older women in the neighborhood knew him they only knew the carefree cheeky image that he presented them. So if they overhear Citron exclaiming he's royalty to another Mankai member they'd assume it was him being his usual off color self or that it was for an upcoming play. 

His respect for the other grew. To him it was always obvious that something wasn't quite right with Citron, but knowing the missing piece made all the difference. Intentionally maintaining an airheaded persona and taking full advantage of being treated as a foreigner who didn't know any better to avoid any real suspicion about his background. Sure he may be pegged as weird but no one's first thought would be that he's foreign royalty. Not only that but the next to ascend the throne. Surely that was Citron's intention. 

Maybe Citron was the best actor of them all. 

The rare moments when he and Citron were completely alone and the character he was playing would fall away were the times Chikage enjoyed most. Of course his more bubbly, teasing personality was fun it it's own right (and really Citron remained at least a little bit teasing no matter what), but seeing this hidden layer felt special. Much like before when he was holding onto the royalty secret, he felt smug. Except this time was better because it wasn't him alone revelling in his knowledge. Both him and Citron were in on it this time. 

The ride back to the dorm was filled with more of Citron's guesses. If Citron noticed that Chikage drove a little slower than usual so they could be in the car longer, well he didn't say anything.

-

"....you're acting weird." 

Chikage's brow twitched as he turned to where Hisoka was curled up on the floor. He knew they were both used to sleeping wherever was available but if you have a bed, use it. 

"Dare I ask why you say that?" 

He popped a few marshmallows into his mouth keeping Chikage in suspense before answering his question with a question.

"Citron...how do you feel about him..?" 

There was no point in hiding him being taken aback by the question. Hisoka would have known whether he tried to hide his expression or not. He weighed his options on how to respond before settling with, "He's my troupe mate and he's entertaining enough so I enjoy his company."

"I see." 

Not able to hold himself back Chikage started nudging Hisoka with his foot and pressing him about why he asked. Predictably Hisoka paid him no mind and fell asleep. Just as he was going to hit him to wake him up (he would've dodged but he still wanted to try on the off chance) Citron burst through the front doors loudly announcing his entrance. 

He didn't catch Hisoka's smirk when he immediately got up to greet Citron and subsequently got dragged into one of his antics. 

He didn't get to properly pick apart Hisoka's questions until later. 

-

Later came in the form of Guy, Citron's servant from Zafra, coming to collect their prince. 

All of the emotions and feelings he had been burying, and burying, and burying came rushing up. He didn't even have the wherewithal to act shocked like the rest of Mankai once the news was dropped. He didn't worry about anyone noticing because they were all too busy trying to marry their current image of Citron with the new knowledge of him being prince. 

Chikage was busy trying not to look like he just realized he had romantic feelings for a man that was about to leave him. The company. A man that was about to leave the company. Because in reality he waited much too long and he and Citron didn't have that sort of relationship. 

He still felt bitter regardless. All sorts of ugly emotions threatened to bubble up and he toyed with the idea of lashing out. Maybe he had changed to some extent because he squashed those feelings down, plastered on a normal sad expression and not a 'the man I've fallen for is leaving' sad expression, and attempted to act as normal as he could. 

He had looked down on Sakyo for not recognizing his own feelings, but he had been doing the same. 

-

Chikage predicted that it was going to be even harder to get Citron alone now than it had been before. Everyone was going to scramble for his attention to get in one last memory before he left. 

He couldn't determine if it was fortunate that he was wrong. 

Citron came up with a scroll for each member of the spring troupe with a wish to fulfill. It was just the kind of childlike yet endearing thing Citron would do that Chikage had been growing much too fond of. 

So much for his plan of brooding alone and limiting his exposure to Citron to as little time as possible. He had been constantly flipping between anger and sadness and beating himself up for having a conscience and not digging up more info. He could've easily found out Citron's coronation date. Yet he didn't. He respected his privacy. The selfish part of him wished he didn't so he never would have gotten attached to someone who was never supposed to stay. It couldn't get worse is what he believed before he opened up his scroll. 

“...Hm?” Despite himself he made an audible reaction.

“Everything okay, Chikage?”

“Oh, yeah. It’s nothing.” He assured the director.

He hoped once confronted Citron would at least have the decency to have a modicum of guilty. Chikage was left with more emotions to pick through and make sense of. Trust. He realized he liked being the only one to know Citron's secret because he wanted to be special. Chikage immediately wanted to run away from the thought but he didn't. He enjoyed when Citron's attention was on him and wanted to be the one he trusted the most. 

Once again he was having a realization much too late.

He got his wish but it was mixed with a sinking feeling. 

Citron wanted Chikage to sneak him out of the country. Chikage would agree because of course he would. He promised himself that he would do anything in his power for the Mankai members, but that went deeper for Citron didn't it? Because in following Citron's request he would be voluntarily putting his already flimsy reputation at risk. It was his own fault that he's arguably the least trustworthy member, but he still wasn't too keen on putting himself in this position. He hoped the others would be understanding.

Later when he believed he could keep himself mostly in check, he found Citron and pulled him aside so they could speak privately.

-

"Citron."

"Hm?"

"Are you sure you’re okay with what you’ve asked me to do?"

"I am sure."

No hesitation. No wavering. If he felt sorry or guilty it wasn't going to make him change his wish. 

"And I can’t tell anyone else, can I?"

"Cross your heart, hope to die, stick an icepick in your eye!"

Even when Chikage was having an internal crisis Citron managed to say things like that. In any other situation Chikage would've laughed or humored him with his own odd comment but he was too tired for that. 

"I’d rather not...."

"It is a promise, then!"

"Geez, what a real bad position to be put in… Everyone’s going to hate me again. By the way, does this include your attendant?" 

"No, just me."

"I see..."

-

First August and now Citron, Chikage was beginning to believe he may be cursed when it came to matters of the heart. It was probably to offset all of the bad things he had done in his life. 

Why couldn't his heart get broken in a boring, average way. The other person could simply not share his feelings and he'd move on. Instead he gets one who was betrayed and murdered and another who's flying across the continent to follow through with his birthright. Chikage realizes his first mistake was craving normalcy in a life that was anything but. 

The one positive of this situation was that he knew Citron would at least be alive. Chikage toyed with the thought of confessing. He wasn't one to divulge such emotions but if the man was going to move far away immediately after he wouldn't have to deal with having to look at the person who rejected him everyday. Because no matter how he may feel he can't imagine that Citron feels the same. 

God.

Citron couldn't have given him at least a month to think about this? Even Itaru noticed that Chikage was grappling with something beyond his ability to deal with. Said he looked like he was 'Attempting to speedrun the stages of grief, but kept dying within the first two.' Chikage hated to admit it but he was startlingly correct. Still, he steeled his expression and stated that he was going to be traveling to work alone for awhile. Even the whisper of the thought of spilling his dilemma to anyone in the troupe made his gut feel like someone was wringing it like a towel. He felt overloaded with emotions like a waterlogged paper towel on the brink of ripping and dissolving.

It was going to be a struggle to hold his leaking emotions in until Citron was safely aboard an airplane.

-

The days pass much too quickly and suddenly it's the night before Chikage's scroll has to be fulfilled. He's still not ready, but he has no choice but to be. Many of his missions were physically, mentally, and emotionally harrowing yet this one given to him by a prince of a small country was the worst one yet.

Chikage had become much too soft because despite it all he still couldn't hate Citron for what he did. 

Hate was the furthest thing from his mind when watching Citron arrive at the dock in a suit that fit much too well. Usually Citron wore much more revealing clothing, but the novelty of his chosen attire made it that much more attractive. Chikage was feeling tortured in another way now. 

His eyes lingered too long when Citron turned his back towards Chikage giving him a view of how perfectly tailored his pants were to him. His eyes immediately zeroed in since the other man usually favored wearing loose bottoms. The other members of spring were too busy laughing at how intensely Masumi was staring at Izumi to pay any mind to the frequent glances Chikage was making at the man who had his arms wrapped around her. The man who gently led her in a slow dance and spoke to her in hushed tones, face the most sincere he had ever seen. He turned away and distracted himself by chatting with Sakuya. 

He couldn't watch them any longer. 

-

Chatting with Sakuya ended with Chikage equal parts thankful and mortified.

Of course Sakuya noticed something was wrong with Chikage. He was always perceptive when it mattered most (or when it was the most inconvenient, depends on your viewpoint). 

He said he wasn't sure why he felt that Chikage and Citron should be alone once they returned to the dorms, but he felt like it was right. His gut led him to feel a strong conviction that Citron and Chikage absolutely had something to talk about. Sakuya wouldn't pry as to what the specifics were but he did say he would make Chikage do it no matter what. 

When Chikage inquired as to how he would 'make' him do anything, the younger puffed up his cheeks and glared with as much ferocity as a squirrel. 'I already told Itaru-san that I'm swapping with you tonight!' And even though that didn't answer his question, Chikage agreed. Because he knew that this would be his last night with Citron and even if Sakuya wasn't scary his gut instincts sure were. 

-

And somehow that led Chikage into his current situation with Citron pressing him against a wall in room 101. Chikage was positive this wasn't what Sakuya had intended to happen. Even with his height advantage he felt small under Citron's lidded eyes. Much like Sakuya, Chikage had not anticipated this either. It seemed that the crown prince was intent on torturing him till the bitter end. All he could hope for was the ability to pick up the pieces and somewhat put himself back together again. 

"I have another selfish request." 

Chikage shifted to put space between them but was only met with a cold wall and Citron pressing in even closer in return. 

"You've had a lot of those lately." 

Citron's smile turned bashful just for a moment before going back to its suggestive tilt. 

_ "I want to spend a night together."  _

"Aren't we doing that already?" 

With his quickly waning self control Chikage replied back in Japanese. He refused to let himself get sucked into Citron's whims. Regardless Citron wasn't deterred and leaned in close enough for their noses to occasionally brush as he spoke. Despite himself his breath hitched, only made detectable because of their close proximity. His arms were functioning more as dead weights with how they uselessly stayed at his sides. Not moving to push Citron away or even pull him closer. 

_ "You know what I meant, Chikage. You always do."  _

He forced out a laugh filled with fake mirth and shook his head as his own hands settled at Citron's waist. 

" _ You're a cruel man, Citron."  _

_ "I know."  _

_ "How long have you known how I felt, the reason why I'm incapable of refusing you?"  _

" _ Longer than you have, surely."  _

Chikage laughed once again at his own expense.

_ "Funny."  _

Long fingers carded through the back of Chikage's shorthair sending a pleasant tingle down his spine. 

_ "Your answer?"  _

_ "You already know what it is."  _

_ "I want to hear you say it."  _

He huffed as his fingers tightened not wanting to admit he wanted this more than Citron probably. So much more that he was about to volunteer to make his emotional crisis worse. Citron was expectantly awaiting a reply and it would be so simple for Chikage to say no. But he wouldn't. 

_ "Yes, I wa-"  _

The yes was enough for Citron because before Chikage could complete his sentence he felt warmth covering his lips. It was a desperate kiss. One that was trying to convey everything they both wanted to say but couldn't. They would allow themselves this one moment to indulge in this moment between themselves. In an attempt to regain a morsel of control Chikage switched their positions so Citron was the one pressed against the wall. Citron separated their lips and gave him an appraising look as if he was assessing if Chikage was worthy of what he was about to say. 

_ “Check my back pocket.”  _

He did as he was ordered and found a packet of lube.

_ “How long was this here?”  _

_ “Since we were on the boat, I was planning to sneak off there. Sakuya telling me his plans changed mine.”  _

_ “I’m irritated at how sure you were that I’d agree.” _

The other man’s head tilted as if Chikage was the weird one. He had full confidence in his ability to get what he wanted and Chikage’s current actions only added to that assuredness. But that wasn’t the complete picture was it? Because Citron may have gotten what he wanted in this moment and surely held a lot of influence as the crown prince, but he would never be able to grasp onto what he truly desired. Once this night ended the sun would rise and obstinately remind them both that the fantasy had to end. They could have this single  ephemeral experience then return to the reality of their separation. 

His thoughts were interrupted by swift fingers working his pants open and a hand wrapping around him. 

_ “Your irritation doesn’t change the fact that you want me.”  _ His grip tightened and he started a pace that was nowhere near satisfying.  _ “So have me.”  _

A firm grip on his jaw pulling him into another kiss was what snapped his barely held together restraint. 

It didn’t take long for them to unbutton and strip just enough so Chikage would be able to enter Citron. Using the wall as leverage he lifted the other so his legs were wrapped around his waist. Citron’s blazer had been thrown haphazardly onto the floor, his shirt was fully splayed open with some of the buttons missing because of Chikage, and his slacks were barely hanging on around his ankle. Chikage took glee from being the one to make him look this disheveled, but he wasn’t faring any better. His bare chest was flushed and sweat beaded along his brow from the combined effort of supporting Citron’s waist and upkeeping a mutually pleasurable rhythm. The strain was worth it after seeing Citron’s delighted expression from being lifted. So he liked displays of strength. Whatever expectations Citron had for this encounter Chikage wanted to exceed them. He wanted it to be two, three decades after this night and have the king of Zafra guiltily remembering the man he left behind. When he took a wife and would work towards having his own heir Chikage’s own moans should play repeatedly in his ears. If their ‘relationship’ could become a ghost that would attach itself to Citron and be with him in a way Chikage himself wasn’t allowed? He’d be content. 

Strong emotions always did look unflattering on Chikage, but the resentment mixed with love was a familiar cocktail. With thoughts about getting drunk on it he aggressively bit into Citron’s shoulder. Deep crimson dribbled out of the wound and Chikage’s tongue quickly worked to lap up every drop. It was childish, but Chikage wanted to leave behind physical reminders too. No matter how temporary they may be. Not one to be outdone Citron returned the sentiment in kind and gave Chikage a matching bite. From Chikage’s reaction it was obvious that he enjoyed the bite more. Before he got a chance to comment on Chikage’s apparent masochism he muffled him with his lips. 

By the end of their tryst Chikage had been wrung out completely. Citron didn’t want to stop at one time and he made that point clear to the other man. Chikage wanted to delay his inevitable mood drop once the fog of arousal cleared for good. It worked for them both. Still the end came and he had to deal with a naked Citron clinging to him in his loft bed. No matter how many times he tried to peel the man off of him he’d come back and cling even tighter. He quickly gave up. Chikage had fully intended on sleeping in Sakuya’s bed, but none of his plans worked out since joining Mankai and especially after meeting Citron. 

It wasn’t Citron asking for his aid in sneaking out or even his insistence they should sleep together that was the most difficult for Chikage. It was Citron’s deceptively peaceful expression as he slept, that invited thoughts of domesticity that were unattainable. He could pretend that they were normal. Simple. Two actors in a troupe that had a sweet romance that evolved into a standard relationship where both sides weren’t actively inflicting emotional and physical scars. 

  
  


Chikage reflected on how all of his sexual experiences seemed to be tinged with unpleasantness. The amount varied but it was there all the same. A gut feeling led him to believe that this was the case for Citron as well. Unconsciously he pulled Citron in closer to his body. 

He drifted in and out of consciousness; his last fully formed thought being that Citron’s warmth next to him wasn't a half bad ending to part on. 

-

The ride to the airport was a silent affair. Neither of them commented on what had happened the night before. Despite the lack of verbal acknowledgement Chikage could see Citron absentmindedly pressing where Chikage knew his bite to be. His matching wound throbbed. Some couples traded identical rings, this could be their own short term version. Even though the trip was completely silent Chikage didn’t want it to end.

If Citron noticed Chikage was taking the longer route, he didn’t comment. 

-

“Thank you.”

They both had just entered the airport after clearing Chikage’s car of Citron’s luggage. 

“Are you sure this is how you want to go?” He was careful to strip the question of any emotion. It was as if he was throwing a lifeline to someone who had already decided it was their time to go. It was asked mostly for his own benefit. His nails broke the skin of his palms once Citron answered. 

“I do not want a sad goodbye with everyone. This is my last selfish wish.” 

“...”

The response being what he expected didn’t make it cut any shallower. 

“Sorry for making you the bad guy.”

“I don’t mind. This is all I can do for you, after all.” 

“Thank you.”

“Take care.”

“You too. Take care of the Spring Troupe, please.”

“I will.”

Citron’s hand lifted, then clenched into a fist and went back down to his side. Wordlessly he nodded, grabbed the handles of his suitcases and walked away. 

Chikage remained in the airport long after he had lost sight of the other’s champagne hair. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  



End file.
